Messages from Twelve Wise Ones

When You Worry About Your Adult Child November 15, 2017

I shared the following message with a coaching client a year ago who was having fear and anxiety about her grown child and her life choices.  Six months later I realized the message was for me when my adult son broke his neck in a mountain biking accident. Before I go further, I want to add that he is on a path of healing and wellness due to the love from family and friends, great doctors, and his own resiliency and positive attitude.

But for me, as a mother, it was an excruciatingly painful time, especially in the uncertain time in the first few weeks. Maintaining an alignment with my divine source was a daily practice and some days for me, it was almost impossible due to my fears. The message below, as well as love and support from my family and friends, helped me.  I had to read it and focus on it many, many times, but it shifted my limited view that was coming from a mother’s eyes, to one of trust and respect for my adult son’s courage and belief in himself.

Here is the message:

Children rarely follow the path their parents have envisioned for them. Each child has many twists and turns in the road to and throughout adulthood. Every child is really the prodigal son, in a sense, in that each must take his or her own journey.

When you love your children deeply you can mistakenly believe you know what is best for them, even when they are adults. It is deep love, predicated by a desire to keep them safe, that creates the illusion that telling them what to do will protect them from their own lives.  You only want for their happiness and survival in what appears to be a scary world. What is not usually understood is that the child is an equal soul and has his/her own journey to be followed based on the needs of his/her own chosen destiny.

If you worry about your adult children, this message and consequent understanding should give you some relief. You cannot really impact your children’s choices based on your own fears and desires, but you can inspire and fortify their courage by demonstrating faith in them to make the right choices for themselves. Offering unconditional love but not responsibility for their decisions– no matter how their choices appear to you, is the ultimate gift you can give them. When asked, it is appropriate to offer your suggestions and wisdom but still, emphasizing that they make their own choices.  Demonstrate trust that they will make the best choices for themselves. Trust that your children’s decisions are part of their experience—not right or wrong, no matter how it appears to you.

Admonishments and warnings about negative consequences to your adult child’s life are based on your own fears. It is out of love that you give your opinions, but they can be received as criticism or lack of confidence in them. In some cases, it can create a breach and an alienation in the relationship. You are learning one of life’s most difficult lessons—letting go and allowing a child its natural birthright and responsibility to follow his/her chosen path, even when it appears careless, risky, or mistaken. It is a difficult lesson because parents so love their children, and as human beings, the desire is protect them.

The release comes when parents tell their children that they trust them to make the best decisions for their own lives and, as parents, they wish only the best for them.  If you, as a parent, offer an opinion and it is rejected, it helps to explain that you recognize and acknowledge that they must make their own choices.  Your children’s life decisions are theirs to make and they will face their own results—those that may appear good or bad to you, but are all, ultimately, part of their awakening. Resist the unconscious desire to project your own worries and fears on your children.

All the love parents feel does not give them the ability or the responsibility to usurp their children’s power. Parents do not have the vision to see what is truly best for their children’s soul journeys.  Views through a parent’s eyes cannot see the perspective that comes from a higher spiritual vantage. Parents often maintain an image of their child that is no longer accurate.  Letting go of the limited image from a parent’s eyes and seeing a child as an adult is a difficult but rewarding transition.  The good news is that your only work is loving each child’s own heart and letting go of fear. And as we free our children, we free ourselves.